How to Identify Your Core Values
Have you ever felt like you're being pulled in a million different directions?
You say yes to one thing... then feel guilty. And you chase a goal... then wonder, “Is this even what I want?”
That deep feeling of confusion or disconnection is often a sign that something’s misaligned—not just in your calendar, but in your core values.
But what if the real reason you're stuck isn't just about your values—it's about the stories you’ve been told about what a good life “should” look like?
Let’s break it down.
Why You Feel Pulled in Different Directions
We all live inside stories. Some of them we create, but many of them we’re given.
These shared cultural stories—called “master narratives”—are like invisible blueprints. They shape what we believe, how we behave, and what we chase without us even realizing it.
They tell us:
What a “successful” life looks like
What we should prioritize (career, marriage, money)
How we’re supposed to feel and act
When your personal truth doesn’t fit these templates, you feel the tension.
How to Reconnect with What Actually Matters to You
Here are 5 key insights to help you understand and identify your core values—even when you feel lost, stretched, or stuck.
Your Identity Is a Story You Create
Think of yourself not as a fixed personality, but as the author of a life story that’s always evolving.
Every decision, every turning point, every moment of clarity adds to that story.
So pause and ask:
“What have been the defining moments in my life—and what did they reveal about what I care about?”
Master Narratives Are Powerful—And Often Invisible
Cultural norms are everywhere—media, school, family, Instagram.
They teach you the “right” way to live. But often, they’re so deeply embedded, you don’t even see them. You just feel the pressure.
Ask yourself:
“Where am I following a script that doesn’t really feel like mine?”
Going Against the Grain Feels Risky—Because It Is
Choosing your own values can feel uncomfortable.
Why? Because stepping outside a master narrative can make you feel like you’re doing something “wrong.”
It challenges what's familiar, accepted, and rewarded.
But here’s the truth:
Living authentically is always worth the initial discomfort.
You’re Either Internalizing or Negotiating (Or Both)
Sometimes we absorb cultural messages without realizing it. That’s internalizing.
Other times, we challenge or reshape them. That’s negotiating.
When you feel pulled, ask:
“Am I trying to live a life I chose… or one I inherited?”
Your Story Is Yours to Reclaim
Yes, society shapes us. But we still get to choose what we keep and what we release.
Recognizing that your “freedom” might have been unconsciously scripted isn’t defeat—it’s the beginning of real choice.
So ask yourself:
“What do I need to let go of to feel more like myself?”
Your Values = Your True North
When you clarify your core values, life feels less like a constant tug-of-war—and more like a steady walk in the right direction.
You’ll make decisions faster.
You’ll second-guess yourself less.
You’ll move forward with peace.
So if you’re feeling pulled in every direction, pause.
Ask yourself:
“What truly matters to me—and am I living in alignment with that?”
That’s where it all begins.
Want help identifying your core values?
📆 Book a Clarity Session to go deeper with support.
For more details about finding your core values read: Narrative and master narrative frameworks for identity, (McLean and Syed, 2016)